Sunday, September 13, 2009

Weekend summary

Yesterday I had 2 pancakes and a ton of coffee, yet with that I maintained my weight. Thankfully though today I was able to go all day with nothing but coffee and cigs. If all works out best tomorrow I'll be able to do another 0 cal day, but I work with BR and he will probably want to go for lunch... Thankfully neither of us has any real amount of money, so we may end up heading to his place for lunch which will make it easier for me to hide my lack of eating.

I wonder what it's like for all those "normal" people to be able to look at food without seeing only calories and fat, to sit down and eat a meal without crying later hating what you did, to be able to walk by a scale without feeling the urge to weigh themselves or by a window and not stop to look at how much they need to lose...

I can't understand it at all. Yeah I gained some weight back and everyday I still felt the same and hated myself more the more weight I gained. Am I gonna love myself through my weightloss? I don't think so but at least I'll be thin...

2 comments:

Ana's Girl said...

Hey there. Sorry i haven't commented in a while. I'm back now though! Good job today going with no food and good luck doing the same tomorrow.
I wonder the same thing about normal people... And then i wonder what would it be like if i was normal? But then there's this overwhelming fear that if i was "normal" i'd be so very fat. Its a vicious cycle of constant self hate. Maybe we'll find happiness if we keep looking? I hope so!

theamazingmango said...

Wow. I can completely relate to what both of you said. As long as we all have each other, why do we need to worry about what it would be like to be normal?