Sunday, July 15, 2012

0 cal

I made some mistakes these last few days, some true fuck upset. But today was different 0 Cal's. Nothing but water and hot green tea today. Temptation running rampant and my body demanding food, I was able to control my will and go without.

"I'm not hungry" , "I ate after the last job" excuse after excuse. Every day needs to be like today. I need to stay strong, I have the control and the willpower.

Laters, K

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Got rid of fading obsession

The webring was making it hard to see this site so I disabled it. Also picked up wasted the other day. I've never read it before but always wanted to so now I finally get the chance.

Today was a good day, I'm down to 148 and all I had was chicken noodle soup which was a total of 200 Cal for the day. I'm finally making progress but was quite tempted by the pizza my boyfriend was eating next to me while we watched lost.

I'm starting to get a little wobbly when I stand up and my mind has it's moments of fogginess. Great signs, signs that I'm doing well losing weight, getting one step closer.

Laters, K

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Bracelet and other stuff

So I don't know why I didn't think of this before. I have been wanting to get a new Ana bracelet but couldn't find a red beaded bracelet anywhere. So I have this skull bracelet that I've had for a while.... And I'm an artist with lots of paint... So now I have a red skull Ana bracelet.

Also today I broke down and had a cup of Mac and cheese, 240 Cal. So thankfully it's under 500 Cal. I also got bored and bleached my hair, so now it's cray light blonde.

I've been watching a lot of lost great show to be distracted by, nice long series to watch and ignore the growing hunger. Although sometimes it's hard when I have my boyfriend sitting next to me eating, but it makes me feel stronger even with giving in and eating a bit.

Later, K

Saturday, July 7, 2012

More fasting

Not too sure I can keep doing the 2468 the first two days are fine but 600-800 calories just terrifies me. I'm watching my parents place for the weekend which is a wonderful opportunity to fast. I think I'll keep it going for as long as possible. Currently I've seemed to hit a plateau which is aggravating as hell.

I really need to get myself down to 100 lb, I feel that is a perfect weight. It was always a perfect score on a test why not weight too. Now even with the fast going on I've been trying neuro water trim. I don't know if it'll work but I hope it does. My one friend was mentioning that he doesn't like the taste of it but I don't care about taste I just need it to work.

Laters, K

Thursday, July 5, 2012

I miscounted

I screwed up my count today. Which is infuriating because I'm normally so good at it. I went a bit over the 800 mark today, all because of a piece of bread.
Fuck bread :(

If I had the money I'd do the kekwick again but lucky me I have exactly $0 until Monday. Good thing gas is free.... Wait, no it isn't. I hate how my life is right now, no money, my beloved Z is still sitting at my mom's place just waiting to be put back together.

Once I get my Z back and get thin everything will be better. Can only go up from here right?

Laters, K

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Still on track

Today was two veggie Turkey burgers, made of veggie tastes like Turkey it was interesting. Each Burger was on one slice of wheat bread with lots of mustard. Later I spent 30 minutes nibbling on three baby carrots.

2 veggie Turkey Burger 90 Cal each for 180
2 slices of wheat bread at 80 Cal per slice for 160
Mustard at a glorious 0 Cal
3 baby carrots for around 10 Cal.

Total today: 350 cal
Good day, also I started taking hydroxycut it gave me more energy and definitely fought off some hunger. Even if it doesn't by itself make weight come off the added decrease in appetite and increase in energy is well worth it.

I also got annoyed at my hair and took the scissors to it. I need to bleach it though. I'm still hovering at 152 but hopefully in the morning the scale will obey my wishes and drop the number down.

Tomorrow is 600 Cal... Anything over 500 is frightening and I don't know yet what I will eat, not really looking forward to it... And then 800 the day after, ugh.

Later, K

Monday, July 2, 2012

Another successful fast

It feels so good to fast. People offer up food and the amazing feeling of being able to say no while everyone else eats is just fantastic. And according to the scale this morning I'm back to 152, if I hadn't mentioned apparently I had mistook my weight and it was actually back up time 158.

So now I start up the 2468. Today will be two grille original veggie burgers. 100 Cal each with mustard on the since mustard is zero Cal and thus my fact condiment. Gonna come up with a plan for tomorrow, 400 Cal....

Laters, K

Sunday, July 1, 2012

Lost a battle

But the war goes on.

I wound up doing a bit of a binge, a healthy(ish) one though. I wound up getting stuck having a vegetarian burrito. Tofu, rice, beans. Felt like shit of course. And just got done with the knife.

Tomorrow is a new day. No food. Period. The end. Diet soda and water and cigs. Then Monday starts the 2468 diet.

W was asking some questions about the diet. He was mostly confused about the low calorie intake. He doesn't seem concerned. Not yet.

And the longer I can keep off his concerns the better. Just need to hide everything. The eating habits, The cuts, and when it gets noticeable the weight loss.

What a twisted fate. I want to lose so much weight. I need to. But then I'm compelled to hide it. I know I won't be satisfied, and I know people will try to stop me... But I won't, and they can't.

Laters, K