Wednesday, March 31, 2010


So and friend and I are trying to get into my house today, the sliding door is open just a bit I could get most of me but my ribcage in... so he says to stand back and he'll try since he's thinner than me. He still didn't make it but now I feel incredibly aweful. I just wanna die am I really that fat? I mean I know I'm bigger than I wanna be and I need to lose weight but I didn't think I would be getting comments on it. Well that means that I need to drop from the current 137 down to 100. My stomache has been feeling weird lately and I've at times been in some pretty good pain, I can use that as an excuse still to eat less since I do usually feel full after even the littlest bit of food. I'm gonna have to kick that up even more. Now I have a refueled need to lose weight. I think the worst part is he knows I have issues with me weight.....

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Misnomers and laziness in the life of a Starving Artist

So many of my posts lately begin with my appy Polly loggies for not posting enough, so screw that. I'm gonna start to post whatever is on my mind whether or not I've been a good Ana and lost weight. So that means you, O my lovelies, get to read more ofmy stream of thought.

So yeah lately I've had non stop bad days, I'm at 142 and it feels like I'll never be thin and that depresses me more everyday. What I need to do is like get just a salad when my friends go to cici's instead of buying into the whole I'll get what I paid for mindset.

Blech, also in the way of misnomers I have still yet to put any of my art up here... Maybe i'm afraid someone will recognize me from my art... Maybe I'm just really narcicistic... Hmm but how can I be in love with myself if I hate myself so much.

So yes, expect my artwork to soon dreadfully and tactlessly adorn this blog. And as far as my car since there are those out there ever so curious: long story short my engine had issues I was unaware of, but now a bunch of parts and three tear downs and rebuilds later (damn bloody well be the last rebuild) I will soon have my baby Tiamat (1997 Eagle Talon) back on the road. YAYs!!!

And now to leave with a quote:
"I dreamt I was a butterfly though I did not realize I was dreaming. When I woke I was I and not the butterfly. This makes me wonder... am I a man dreaming of being a butterfly or a butterfly dreaming I am a man. For you see in the end they have the same cause and effect and there is no real difference."