I was wrong

About my weight I apparently had gain 6lb, fucking fantastic. Although kekwick has been working. Yesterday I was down 2lb, and I haven't had the chance to weigh myself yet today.

My stomach is feeling funky, but that's fine. Today is the start of 2468. To make the 200 calories for today I'll have two veggie burgers, no bread, each is 100 Cal. Hopefully I'll start to see some change.

Laters, K

Things need to get better soon

My life is such shit right now. My dream car is sitting in my garage not running. It's not really broken but it needs to be put back together so of course everything keeps getting in the way. I'm still making shit money barely paying my bills. And of course to top it all off I'm still a pile of fat.

I gotta lose the weight if nothing else, then at least I can be poor and skinny. Seems every time I take a step forward life throws me back 2 steps. Most of the time I just want to curl up and sleep forever.

Come on life, what the fuck did I do so wrong to earn such a fucked existence? I can't even be content with anything, and to make matters worse W has his best friend over a lot who is rich, happy, and thin. His hardest decision is whether to get a Porsche or a BMW. I WISH my life was hard like that. Every time I see him it just reminds me of how shitty everything is for me.

Still doing the kekwick after that it'll be the diet, this weight needs to be gone NOW

Still 152

So I'm still at 152. Such failure, budget no more. I keep saying I'm gonna Do it and now's the time. My life is shit and I have almost no control in my life. But I can and will control my eating.

I need to get down in weight, time to drop all the fat off. Let my bones show.

I've already started back up on the kekwick diet. I'm on day 2 right now, finish this off then I'm gonna do the 2468. I'll need help I know who's up for assisting?

FWA day 3

Last two days of Kekwick were successful. I'll have some left over macadamia nuts after today so I think I might continue it tomorrow as well, tho I think I may just go to restricting instead. Veggie burgers, celery, the restriction can definately happen.
So I can't remember what I was before I started this but I know I lost 3 lb between yesterday and today... so at least it's a start.

FWA

Stress. That seems to be the key for me the most. I'm currently working on coloring a comic due out by March 10th. Add on to that I have no money but need to spend an additional 364 to finish up licensing for my new job. So I'm mega stressed out right now.

And that kicked my drive for weightloss into high gear. I need to get thin by March 17th, that's when we go to the convention to sell the comic. I'm on kekwick right now, just finished day 1. W is kinda supportive but he doesn't see my need for weightloss. Worse is that DW is sort of on to me.

When I first brought up about my previous weight loss she asked if I starved.. and I hesitated. Then when Z jokingly said about the pointer finger being Mr. Pukey she scolded him saying I already look anorexic. But I don't look anorexic I look fat. I wish I could see what other people see. Also a couple days ago Bu was mentioning a car, a Lotus, and said that Z could slide right in and I MIGHT be able to get in. I hated him so much for saying that.

No more food, no more lounging. I need the weight to go, I can't have this anymore. I hate it so much. But now I'm stressed and depressed. I didn't think I would be depressed with W around but I am. So here we go, lose it all by March 10.

Hard to start

So I did pretty well today until I got home, then I got stuck with dinner with my roommate J and D. I had a sandwich. Though I felt the effects of it right away, and it just felt awful, so my current plan was to hop out to get what I need for the Kekwick diet but I'm not so sure I'll be able to right away, so I may need to hold off until tomorrow to get the diet stuffs... I wish it weren't so hard. Also last week W noticed my arm full of cuts, but he just brushed it off so I'm not sure what he thinks puts those cuts there but he doesn't seem worried which mean he doesn't suspect me... which is good.

Terrible

Well things are going great and awful at the same time, which is the norm now for me. On the plus side I'm happily with W, have a well paying job, and I'm about to move in with W, and I'm about to have both my cars (1997 Eagle Talon & 1971 Datsun 240Z) up and ready to go... On the down side I've gained weight. The downside is about equal to all the good I've gotten so far. I've done a bit of test questions with W and sorta see if he's alright with me losing weight, so far he hasn't said anything to stop me just stuff like 'Lose what?' and 'There's nothing there to lose'. But I recently saw some pictures he took of me one night and I look just TERRIBLE!

So I need to drop at least 20 Lb. I'm looking for the perfect time to do the Kekwick diet to jump start myself into metabolism city. I'm thinking that since I'm over at his place on tuesday night into wednesday I can't do it then. And I don't work thursdays or sundays... so maybe if I do it friday, saturday, and sunday I'll be good. I can pull that off no problem, 3 days of Kekwick and I should lbe down at least 6 lb... I'll need some support tho, so let those comments roll in, I'll be able to reply now that I'm all set up at the dealership.

Also I need to get myself a new red bracelet... something physical to keep me going...

FML

So apparently I'm strong enough to go all day without food, and nothing except coffee, diet energy drinks, and cigarettes... and then we went to B's and I had to eat chinese food, I didn't have much but I hate myself for it. What I need to do is get back onto the Kekwick for the full three days of it, only problem is friends and family and having to eat dinner here. It'll be a lot easier when my car is back up on the road. Then I can just head out whenever I want and either drive around randomly or go over to W's... that'll be interesting since it's been a while since I last saw him, and I just KNOW that I gained weight and look all ugly and fat... ugh... FML...

finally... a 'good' day

So I made the realization last night... well technically this morning at 2am (yay insomnia) that today (wednesday) I would be with friends... but I might be able to get away without eating the hordes of pizza, and that on thursday I would be working (lawncare, which I hate since I despise manual labor) by myself.. able to go without lunch and get back home too late for dinner, or say that I had something to eat. And it wouldn't really be a lie, I've started myself back onto the Kekwick diet, it's a kinda rough diet. Drops my energy back down to Zero, and puts my irritability way back up (thank you starvation), but with it I usually am able to drop 2-3 lb a day. I was on it today, no problems. Tomorrow I will be on it again. Friday I need to find out if my friend works with me or not, if he doesn't I'll be able to do it for that third day. Then I just need to keep my cal low on saturday (I'll prolly end up eating so I'll aim for salads the whole time, unless I'm at home then I'll just go for real small servings). Maybe this will be the first step to me getting my weight down again... I just keep thinking about getting my weight down... getting thin, and how wonderful it'll be when I make it down to a good weight. First down to 120, then 110... I hope to get below 100, that's my dream...