Things need to get better soon

My life is such shit right now. My dream car is sitting in my garage not running. It's not really broken but it needs to be put back together so of course everything keeps getting in the way. I'm still making shit money barely paying my bills. And of course to top it all off I'm still a pile of fat.

I gotta lose the weight if nothing else, then at least I can be poor and skinny. Seems every time I take a step forward life throws me back 2 steps. Most of the time I just want to curl up and sleep forever.

Come on life, what the fuck did I do so wrong to earn such a fucked existence? I can't even be content with anything, and to make matters worse W has his best friend over a lot who is rich, happy, and thin. His hardest decision is whether to get a Porsche or a BMW. I WISH my life was hard like that. Every time I see him it just reminds me of how shitty everything is for me.

Still doing the kekwick after that it'll be the diet, this weight needs to be gone NOW

0 cal day

No food today. Had a close call at dinner, mom made hamburger helper. I was worried we would be eating at the table, but instead it was a 'grab and go' meal, so I loaded up a bowl headed into the living room with J, and played my PSP for a little bit keeping the bowl nearby until I dumped it into the kitchen garbage after a few minutes. It feels good knowing that while my life is shit right now at least I control what goes into my body.

And today that was nothing but coffee and cigarettes... the smoke not the rest of it. I also got a bit of the dizzies later on which I love. So at lesat food wise it was a good day. Though in a few days I do run into a problem: my friend C is having his birthday celebration and having a barbeque get together. My current plan is to see about getting a salad (my friends know I'm a vegetarian) and maybe nibbling a bit on a piece of lettuce or two.

I just need to make sure tomorrow is like today: No food.

Crushed again

I didn't get the job... or any job I've applied for. My bank account was shut down, I don't have any unemployment coming in even though I'm doing the claims it's getting bogged down in the offices. No job, no money... I don't know how I'm going to pay for the loan again my car (which is 19 days past due), I don't know how I'm gonna pay for insurance on the car (which of course if I don't keep I lose my car to the bank). I have a site up and running (barely) that I won't be able to pay for....

The other day I slept for 12 hours straight... because I couldn't come up with a reason worth getting up for until I had to take care of the dogs... I'm running out of options and losing all hope.

My weight still won't drop below 130, though I have stopped being hungry since I can't afford food anyway... I'm close to just giving up.