So let's see, yesterday... Yesterday was the first time in quite a while that I hid food during dinner. Dinner was the only meal I had to eat, and it was roast beef and carrots and potatos. So I took a small bit of carrots and potatos smashed up the potatos to make it look like more, and then every forkfull of the beef went quickly to my hand then lap. Nothing like misusing the sleight of hand I learned for my own goals. I had like 5 of the baby carrots and a tiny amount of potato, then threw it all away. I was proud of myself... I'm not 100% sure that I should have been, I mean it's pretty odd when you think about it... hiding food and all... but par for the course here.
Today I managed to get away from eating all together which at first I was afraid I wouldn't be able to do. But instead of being stuck at home with nothing to do but dread the arrival of dinner, BR called up and offered going to the movies and hanging out, and let me tell you I jumped on that opportunity right away. A slight snag with lunch, but it was quickly dismissed by telling him that I had a big breakfast and wasn't hungry because of it. And then I skipped out right when he was going to have dinner at his place which is 2 hours after dinner at my place allowing me to say I ate at BR's and avoid dinner completely. What I did have a lot of though was Diet Amp and Diet Green Tea, no cals and the green tea sped up my metabolism maybe just a bit but every little ounce helps.
I haven't had the chance to get on the scale yet though gotta wait a bit longer for that, and I was rushed out of the house today so I couldn't do it in the morning... which upset me a LOT. But soon I'll hop on and see if there was any change... please let there be change... let me have dropped even one pound... just let me see my work paying off for me.
One of Ana's Boys Pro-Ana blogging about his own on-going experiences with Anorexia, and what's going on, through, and around him.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Saturday, April 17, 2010
But of course....
Well as it would of course turn out, I manage to go through two whole days in the greatest of zero caloric fashion only to have it all snuffed at the last minute. I assisted with the moving of two friends into their new apartment, and by the end after all got sweaty and exhausted and whilst I sipped upon my Diet Pepsi Max in walks the parents of my friend S carrying with them three pizza's. Obviously Your Humble Narrator attempted to get away from this. But of course lacking a car as a quick get-away I was unable to escape, and saying I wasn't hungry was smashed to itty-bits as it was brought up that they had viddied YHN having not even a malenky bit of food the whole of the night and day before.
On the plus side (for without a plus side and silver lining I would have snuffed it myself by now) my weight remains unchanged at 128. Thus maintaining me being at almost my lowest weight ever recorded by myself and/or others (not that I quite viddy in my gulliver that others keep as thorough track and record as I do, but who knows with all the weirdos like out there). Thankfully in the morn and all of tomorrow I should be able to avoid having to eat.
To my body (which grumbled and rumbled and made awful gurgling sounds at not to me) I say there you go, you got your food now let me keep on starving. 128... only 8 more pounds to gain my first goal of 120, then 10 more down to 110, then we strive more towards 100... Then of course... do I continue into the double digits? Will my body and mind and spirit hold out? Perfection wouldn't be worth attaining if it was easy.
On the plus side (for without a plus side and silver lining I would have snuffed it myself by now) my weight remains unchanged at 128. Thus maintaining me being at almost my lowest weight ever recorded by myself and/or others (not that I quite viddy in my gulliver that others keep as thorough track and record as I do, but who knows with all the weirdos like out there). Thankfully in the morn and all of tomorrow I should be able to avoid having to eat.
To my body (which grumbled and rumbled and made awful gurgling sounds at not to me) I say there you go, you got your food now let me keep on starving. 128... only 8 more pounds to gain my first goal of 120, then 10 more down to 110, then we strive more towards 100... Then of course... do I continue into the double digits? Will my body and mind and spirit hold out? Perfection wouldn't be worth attaining if it was easy.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Good day after so much failure
Today I had a very satisfying 0 cals! I'm glad I was able to stay strong, there were a couple times that I was tempted. At the gas station with their snacks, at dinner since it was J's day for cooking but thankfully he didn't feel like doing anything fancy so we wound up with burgers and fries. I got myself a burger, some fries, went into the living room, and at first chance threw it all away.
I'm at 129 now. As of a few minutes ago anyway. Diet Coke all day. Now tomorrow should continue the trend as I will be hanging out with B to go see Kickass at the popcorn stadium, and there will be many a temptation O my brothers and sisters. But fear not for your Humble Narrator shall viddy the snackiwacks and malenky treats and satisfy Himself with a simple Diet Pop and continue to slooshy forth unto the film. I will have 0 cal tomorrow, I've regained my strength... And I won't let go.
I'm at 129 now. As of a few minutes ago anyway. Diet Coke all day. Now tomorrow should continue the trend as I will be hanging out with B to go see Kickass at the popcorn stadium, and there will be many a temptation O my brothers and sisters. But fear not for your Humble Narrator shall viddy the snackiwacks and malenky treats and satisfy Himself with a simple Diet Pop and continue to slooshy forth unto the film. I will have 0 cal tomorrow, I've regained my strength... And I won't let go.
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Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Another setback
So I've done fairly well lately dropped down to 131 mostly due to stomachs aches and my recent constant feelings of being full after only a small bit of food when I'm made to eat. Today I planned on a zero cal day and Instead was unable to get out of eating a slice of pizza. Tho other than that one slice I was able to avoid calories the rest of the day and soon will be going on a walk for a couple miles which will help to burn the calories I did have to take in today.
Still no car as my mechanic had been unable to get to my place but we do have it down to the problem being In the timing. So hopefully by next week my talon will be back up and running allowing me to escape the house by myself. Until then keep on wrangling you wranglers
Still no car as my mechanic had been unable to get to my place but we do have it down to the problem being In the timing. So hopefully by next week my talon will be back up and running allowing me to escape the house by myself. Until then keep on wrangling you wranglers
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