friends

So I'm hanging out with some friends these past few days, which has been good and bad. The good, kind of, is that they keep occassionally saying about how I'm really thin and need to eat more. The bad part, really bad, is that we do wind up eating. Though I should be able to stave it off more now. Today I had a chicken ceasar salad and I should be able to avoid further eating. Just n eed to consume more coffee and cigarettes.

Internets

So my internet is down and i have to blog using my cell, at least it works. My mom just got some new scale and its supposed to be like crazy accurate but it lists me at 123 a full 4lb under what my scale claims. I wanna believe it but at the same time i wanna believe mine because it says i need to lose more weight and i am inclined to believe that.

130

So after a terrible holiday season it seems I'm up a lot more than I ever wanted to be... now to lose that weight again. I'm on the right track today... coffee, cigarettes, and a bit of carrot and celery. A good kick start for now, I just gotta keep at it till I'm back down, and then some.

holidays

Well I'm psyched about the holidays... not the gifts and get-togethers but rather the fact that they are over. I am a christmas person, I get into the spirit and everything, I just despise the eating that comes with it. I feel like I weigh 200+ pounds after every meal... thank god that's not true. But still I haven't weighed myself (too terrified despite the feeling that I NEED to weigh myself) but I'm positive that I won't be enjoying the results at all.

With the holidays in mind... I stopped at a pharmacy on the way home to pick up some laxies... I just gotta empty myself out a bit... I woulda bought Ipecac if they had it... even though I'm aware that purging is a downward slope.

127

Well I'm finally down from 128 after what seemed like AGES. Restricting seemed to pay off a little bit, and thus I'll continue that again today. Sitting here with a cup of yogurt waiting for the ice outside to die down so I can go out X-Mas shopping. I really can't wait for spring and summer, it's hard enough for me to be CONSTANTLY cold, but when the weather is sub freezing it's even worse, especially when I'm out with my cigarettes...

Can't lose

Seems I just can't drop past 128 for some reason. Yesterday didn;t go too well with a surprise trip to a buffet by my friend who insisted that I have at least 2 plates of food, and no salad. I hate getting caught in those kinda things. But at least I didn't gain any weight from it all. Today should be a good day of restricting, it's 2:06pm and all I've had thus far is a cup of yogurt.

I hate failure

This weekend was a huge failure. I hate failing so much. Saturday's banquet was like a whole extra thanksgiving, I couldn't even get out of any of it. No salads, no healthy choices, nothing like that. Then yesterday I went to hang out with a few friends which somehow turned last minute into us going to a chinese buffet, only these friends know about me and my eating a bit more than other people. So of course they watched me like hawks. I hate it. My weight has climbed back up to 128 and I feel disgusting. The only thing that made me feel a little better yesterday was going to K-Mart's to visit a friend who was working and being able to try on and fit into a Boy's size 14. Even then it just made me think about whether or not I can go lower with that... I feel I might not make my goal by X-Mas...

The plan for today is restrict to 500 cal. That should give my body just enough so it won't crash and go into binge mode while still letting it burn off the extra fat.