A birthday and a funeral

So I found out my mom's birthday was on Wednesday (I'm terrible with birthdays), so we had to go out to eat for her birthday. I allowed for it figuring that I would be OK with one day's slip.

Next day was my aunt's funeral. There was a dinner after that mom said she didn't want to go to, great thought I, No eating yay. Wrong. After the funeral off we went to a diner. Ugh

Unfortunately with both I need to eat "normal" in front of my mom who has in the past accused me of being anorexic. So I ate my normal meal with her, like a normal person. Every bite killed me. I wanted to cut it into tiny pieces, I wanted to throw it away. I managed to eat half of each meal at least, and then promptly forgot to take it home with me (oops).

Weigh in today at 151. Great. I got fatter. Well make up for it with a better today right? Right.

Today:
1 can of chicken noodle soup - 220 cal
2 cups of coffee with almond milk - 60 Cal
Total: 280

Better, much better. Under 500 is great, 0 is best but Oh well. We will find out tomorrow how well it worked.

Laters, K

birthday

Today is my birthday. It's kind of sad that even on a day like this all I can think of is what I'm eating and how to lose weight. My friend did a good job of making it a pretty good day though, so that was fun. But he also took me out to eat and insisted on a big meal... and I couldn't do anything about it. I think more about purging out if I eat now which makes me feel that I would rather just not eat, so except for tomorrow (where I need to eat dinner with the family) it's going to be major restricting and fasting... though I feel aweful even saying that since it seems that I can never follow through. I need to get myself back to the right mindset with all this. I used to be right on track all the time, but now I'm off, and remembering being back on just makes it a bit worse.