I decided to bump up the schedule and fast. More specifically I was being assaulted with food to eat and went into a fast defensively. So that's one day down with 0 Cal. Nothing but diet soda, water, and cigarette. Good day.
I'm gonna keep this up till Monday then go back to the 2468. Time to starve, I love the feeling of control by just denying food. It's euphoric. Also no food means no cuts, saves my arm a bit.
Laters, K
But no change yet. My weight hasn't dropped any at all. And now I'm back to cutting. My life is a mess and I've got control over nothing but my eating. I don't even have full control over my cutting. Any mistakes I make need to be paid with a 4" paring knife.
I wound up dropping a ball of crazy on my boyfriend. Told him some but not all. I know I'm fucked up, I can't leave a car or place without holding my keys. All doors need to be closed 5 times. Lights on and off five times. Everything gets counted in or by 2, 3, 5, 13, or 23.
Everything in my life is a mess, but when I lose weight I get at least a little control back... is that so wrong?
About my weight I apparently had gain 6lb, fucking fantastic. Although kekwick has been working. Yesterday I was down 2lb, and I haven't had the chance to weigh myself yet today.
My stomach is feeling funky, but that's fine. Today is the start of 2468. To make the 200 calories for today I'll have two veggie burgers, no bread, each is 100 Cal. Hopefully I'll start to see some change.
Laters, K
My life is such shit right now. My dream car is sitting in my garage not running. It's not really broken but it needs to be put back together so of course everything keeps getting in the way. I'm still making shit money barely paying my bills. And of course to top it all off I'm still a pile of fat.
I gotta lose the weight if nothing else, then at least I can be poor and skinny. Seems every time I take a step forward life throws me back 2 steps. Most of the time I just want to curl up and sleep forever.
Come on life, what the fuck did I do so wrong to earn such a fucked existence? I can't even be content with anything, and to make matters worse W has his best friend over a lot who is rich, happy, and thin. His hardest decision is whether to get a Porsche or a BMW. I WISH my life was hard like that. Every time I see him it just reminds me of how shitty everything is for me.
Still doing the kekwick after that it'll be the diet, this weight needs to be gone NOW
So I'm still at 152. Such failure, budget no more. I keep saying I'm gonna Do it and now's the time. My life is shit and I have almost no control in my life. But I can and will control my eating.
I need to get down in weight, time to drop all the fat off. Let my bones show.
I've already started back up on the kekwick diet. I'm on day 2 right now, finish this off then I'm gonna do the 2468. I'll need help I know who's up for assisting?
