Saturday, March 28, 2009

bleh and thoughts

First and foremost: I broke my fast today. Was hanging out with a friend all day and we went out to lunch to an all you can eat kinda thing, I was fairly ok with it seeing as I wasn't able to get more than 2 small slices of pizza and a brownie down. Later his dad ordered out for Pizza as well, and I wound up eating like 3 slices there. I realized that it shouldn't be too bad seeing as I haven't eaten since wednesday but when I just got home my scale is saying that I gained 7 Lb. That is fucking nuts and it's really reuined the day for me.

And I can't be too entirely sure what will happen tomorrow, it all depends on my friend really. The two of us are supposed to go up and visit my dad (in which case I prolly won't be able to do more than MAYBE restrict a bit), however if he doesn't show up then it'll be a day of fasting. Though regardless I'm going to do at least a 3-day fast starting monday. If nothing else this 2-day fast made me realize that I still have the motivation, willpower, and strength to do it.

As for the thoughts part, Mango brought up a good point in that I really haven't been mentioning much about being an ana guy, in part because most of what I think about is my weight and food anyway. Well I'll take some time and put a bit of it out there. Being an ana guy is... odd. First off I'm not exactly the manliest guy to ever walk the earth, pretty far from it (see purple hair and girls jeans), also most people don't take notice too much except for a few people close to me who realize that I 'was' Anorexic (in their minds, most think I 'got over it').

People don't seem to notice a boy starving himself nearly as much as they do a girl. In a way it's kind of a good thing in one aspect seeing as it means I can usually get away with fasting in most company without any hassle, people turn a blind eye to it. If I'm not a girl I CAN'T get an eating disorder. So as far as the stealth and secrecy in Anorexia it works out.

But it's not all good (as nothing is really all good or all bad) in the way that it also means that a person who may REALLY need help with what's going on with him will never get that help until it's way too late. So there are a lot of guys out there (admitedly myself included) who could really use the help but won't get it, for a couple reasons. The main one is that they will almost never be noticed as having an Eating Disorder, way too many people are willing to just say that they have a crazy fast metabolism or something like that; another reason is that (though admitedly this one is just guys it's a lot of us) they don't want help (myself included there), guys have a tendency to be a lot more stubborn about things that may be wrong with them and also are notorious for refusing to go to doctors or other places that will help.

So all in all being a male Anorexia is an odd experience, people don't notice. It's great and awful depending on your view of it at the time (ie. mine is kinda biased). I feel that more people should start to notice others around them, maybe look past some of the stereotypical beliefs out there and see what's really going on.


Mango said...

So is there social pressure on guys to be thin?

Sorry if that sounds ignorant... I don't pay attention to the media that much.

Oh... and I mentioned this to my best friend, and he said that he thinks a lot of guys are anorexic, they just don't talk about it, kind of like what you said... =/

hey.hana said...

Weird. This is one of the longest posts I've read of yours, and it was very informative. It's weird, most of the girls on here write everything that goes through their mind ((usually food related stuff, obviously)) and it was cool to here more of your voice in your writing.

If you don't mind my asking, how do you first know slash when did you first start restricting and all that?

Sarah. said...

wow, yeah, im totally intrigued by you now :)
think im gonna start taking more notice of my mates and the way they eat - or not eat..
as you said, it just sort of gets overlooked