update and more

So first off, sorry for now posting since my trip to NYC (fun and a disaster all at once). Anyway, I've been doing terribly, almost everyday I wind up eating way too much... but oddly the scale tells me I haven't gotten as bad as I feel I have. Currently at 135. Moderately confused too.

Today I had to go to a pizza place with friends. Had to get two slices of plain, it was all I had today, I wanted nothing but my friend D insisted (he was paying for everyone). Three of them (D, B, and J) had this 4-cheese pizza, it was a heart attack in the shape of a pizza. I was nauseous just looking at it, all I could see were the calories.

Well let's call what I did in my eating up to now a short break... it wasn't since I hated it every minute, and my arm and thigh are now covered in cuts... and of course more will be there by bed-time... if I even get to sleep, insomnia has been really bad lately. Then again, at least when I get insomnia I'm always up and doing stuff so at least I'm burning a bit more right?

As for the 'more' part of the post I decided to write down my own personal Thin Commandments. My rules to live by. Numbered but not in order of importance, they're all equally important, just by whichever comes to mind first.

1. Don't talk about Ana to anyone who knows you. You're fine, the voice is helping.
2. Thou shalt not eat meat.
3. Thou shalt not purge, if you eat too much deal with you're mistake. You'll hate yourself and motivate yourself more.
4. Thou shalt not eat after 7pm.
5. Thy scale is the Lord. It will tell you how you feel today.
6. Be careful with exercise. Aim for thin not muscled. But if you exercise do it till you drop. Then get up and do more.
7. Don't eat unless you have no way out. If you have no way out eat less.
8. Avoid mirrors, they only show you your flaws.
9. Never give up, it's never too late.
10. Wear baggy clothes, they hide your terrible body.