Realizations...

I sit out here smoking my cig scared to shit at how far off my track I've gone. I'm hevier, uglier, I don't fit into my clothes like I should. I've avoided disclosing my weight out of shame but now I feel that's exactly the punishment I deserve for all this. Shame. I'm 140osh now. That's it I need all the help I can get I need to drop back down to my 120's as a start. I'm so ashamed of myself. Stop eating, lose weight fatty, Ana hates you for your disappointment to her. I hate myself even more now. I'm a failure but I won't stay one for long, no more excuses no more giving in to friends. Use my money for green tea, diet soda, and cigs. Get my body back. I hate myself so much. Maybe I'll take the step I avoided, maybe it's time to start purging...

Some good... Kinda

Well today was kinda good... Though not really foodwise. My phone has been junk for a while now and it turned out I was able to get an iPhone, I've been wanting one since they first came out and now I finally have one. So of course one of the first apps I get is one to track my weight and calories so I can keep a full day-to-day tracking of my fat ass. Not much else worth saying for today since I ate too much and hate myself for it... as usual.