still going crazy

I hate this, my life hasn't gotten any better. I haven't even had the chance to do any real dieting or starving, my friends are constantly taking me out to eat or I'm stuck at home and need to eat there. I feel like I've lost control.. I hate it so much I gotta get things back on track, I've gotta lose this weight I've gained, I look terrible, feel terrible. Today friends took me out to the recently opened CiCi's Pizza, the slices are all small but I still felt like a pig afterwards, I got home after a night of bowling with friends and proceeded to cut into myself, a slice on my arm for each slice of pizza. I'm not in a good place, I just want things to get better, lose the weight, lose the stress...