Staying on track

Slow posting I know but with working 49 hours a week it's hard to get to the computron. I'm staying nice and on track: coffee cigarettes and diet soda. W enjoys my feminine frame so that's good, but I still need to drop down the weight and keep it off forevers. Oddly I never used my facebook nearly as often as I do now heh

Boyfriend

So now W and I are officially together. Something I have wanted for a long time... Now to figure out a way to keep losing weight while trying to maintain libido, and I have no idea how. If anyone has some ideas that would be great because it's not fair for me to be able to get him off like I want to but not for him to get me off like he wants to. Not gonna stop losing weight tho... just gotta find a way to make it all work.

Motivated

I just put down $100 toward my next car (1971 Datsun 240Z). I mention this to illustrate what I want I go and get no matter what I need to do for it. Now I have to make the sales, gotta be perfect nothing less.

Keeping the calories low to nothing. No weight change but no gain. Once I get myself all the way settled in here I'm gonna hop on kekwick, boost my metabolism, and knock the weight right off my bones. Perfection because I can't accept less from myself.

Working for the darkside

Sorry I haven't been posting I just got a position in car sales and I've just been real busy most of the time. But worry not for I'm back to blogspace.

I was finally able to get back into a high pay position which I love. I enjoy not just the money but also the fact that I'm not home as much so there is much less chance for me to wind up eating. And I've gotten odd positive comments such as people thinking I'm fresh outta high school and that I'm the skinniest person they've seen... Not sure if I buy the last one but whatever.

I've been a little off with dieting but now I'll be able to go full force. Caffeine and cigs, and I can afford the macadamia nuts for doing kekwick whenever I want. Now I'll be able to hit my weight goals as well as my money goals (moving out, car, clothes, etc.)

Today I will go without food. It will be a great day.

Party

So after last night's bit of food the scales claimed I had gone up to 129 lb. I freaked, I couldn't believe it would happen so quick. I look at the scales today, 126. Nice change but still odd.

Today I was able to go completely without food, all
I had was coffee and cigs. Then I found out that instead of being stuck at home with the pressure of having to eat, there's a party going on instead. So I get out of eating and will prolly do some drinking (only because it makes me lose more weight, if it didn't I wouldn't bother). So party tonight and then tomorrow noone's gonna be home ALL DAY. So from the time I get up until I fade into bed (3-4am) I won't have to eat a bite!

I'm so excited, I may be able to get closer to my 120 goal.

subway and brinner

Last night was brinner, breakfast for dinner... I couldn't escape. Eggs, potatoes, toast, and even bacon. I had to eat so much. I did afterwards go hardcore biking for 2 hours straight and then go on another 2 hour walk... but I still hated myself. Wish I could purge.

Then today I got a 'treat' from J which was going to Subway his treat for dinner tonight. It was the only thing I had all day, but it was still a Chicken Sandwhich... I did the math: 570 for the sub (very limited stuff on it), and 130 for baked chips (my friend insisted on me getting the meal). so 700... It's ok in a way though.

Last night I binged with the brinner, so before I go full out fast I need to have a little food to wean my body off calories. So a bit today (well a lot, but at least under 1K... which still terrifies me), and then nothing for as long as possible...

Secrets and Lies

Here's another fun part of ED... you don't get to be honest anymore. Not allowed, forbidden. Hope you didn't enjoy being an honset person, because those days are now gone. Vanished, much like anything over 100 calories, meat, candy, and ice cream. Poof in a cloud of control.

Was away from home all day ith T, we stopped by McDonalds and I got the only thing conceivably healthy: Fruit and Walnut Salad. I then proceeded to eat none of it. I faked like I did, went through the motions with ease and practice. Grab a grape, hand moves up to the mouth, a quick sleight of hand puts the grape into my palm, and as I pretend to reach for another one I drop the original grape back. No eating, no loss of control, instead perfect precision and total control. Welcome to a new world, a world of lies and secrets.

The only calories consumed were from a single beer. The only reason this is allowed is because, by some crazy form of science, my body burns away my fat when I gain alchohol into my system. Though I am admittedly much more buzzed than expected from just one beer. Funny how starving yourself can work that way.