Crushed again

I didn't get the job... or any job I've applied for. My bank account was shut down, I don't have any unemployment coming in even though I'm doing the claims it's getting bogged down in the offices. No job, no money... I don't know how I'm going to pay for the loan again my car (which is 19 days past due), I don't know how I'm gonna pay for insurance on the car (which of course if I don't keep I lose my car to the bank). I have a site up and running (barely) that I won't be able to pay for....

The other day I slept for 12 hours straight... because I couldn't come up with a reason worth getting up for until I had to take care of the dogs... I'm running out of options and losing all hope.

My weight still won't drop below 130, though I have stopped being hungry since I can't afford food anyway... I'm close to just giving up.

FML

So apparently I'm strong enough to go all day without food, and nothing except coffee, diet energy drinks, and cigarettes... and then we went to B's and I had to eat chinese food, I didn't have much but I hate myself for it. What I need to do is get back onto the Kekwick for the full three days of it, only problem is friends and family and having to eat dinner here. It'll be a lot easier when my car is back up on the road. Then I can just head out whenever I want and either drive around randomly or go over to W's... that'll be interesting since it's been a while since I last saw him, and I just KNOW that I gained weight and look all ugly and fat... ugh... FML...

TANK GIRL

whoo tank girl, and we gotted tanked, whee. I hate my fucking life, ugly, fat, ah well a bit of drinking helps calm the edges, now I gotta draw. Maybe one day I won't be fat, god I hate this. Here I am online because I can't even consider conferring to my close friends of all that's fucked up in my life. I get the impression that my friends think I'm egotistical and confident, ambitious, well adjusted... ish. Instead I hate myself and wish I could trade bodies with someone else like EVERY DAY!!! gah, is that fucked up??? I think it's fucked up, can't even be compfy in my own body, my own brain, my own twisted LIFE!!! FUCK IT, I'm stumbling over to the couch to draw, play video games, watch TV, and DRINK!!! No order, all at once.... MAYBE?!