Needs

Ugh... I hate this all. Stuck in my parents' place even with two friends as roomates it's not the same. AND my car is STILL down, sitting in the garage with it's engine strewn hither and tither. Not to mention the biggest thing of all: I can't get away from eating!

GAH it's like no matter how hard I work at it I get stuck eating at least one or two meals a day. Once I can move out (even with friends as roomies) I'll be able to eat WHEN and IF I want (which truthfully is to say rarely) but whatever, why can't it be MY choice if I eat?! Why does such a simple and important decision not get to be left up to me, doesn't it make sense for it to be my choice to eat, instead of HAVING to eat because that's what everyone else does.

Namely I can't stand that my weight is currently hovering between the high 130's and low 140's, it's gotta get lower 110, 100, 90, somewhere DECENT.

still going crazy

I hate this, my life hasn't gotten any better. I haven't even had the chance to do any real dieting or starving, my friends are constantly taking me out to eat or I'm stuck at home and need to eat there. I feel like I've lost control.. I hate it so much I gotta get things back on track, I've gotta lose this weight I've gained, I look terrible, feel terrible. Today friends took me out to the recently opened CiCi's Pizza, the slices are all small but I still felt like a pig afterwards, I got home after a night of bowling with friends and proceeded to cut into myself, a slice on my arm for each slice of pizza. I'm not in a good place, I just want things to get better, lose the weight, lose the stress...

Stressed Out

God I hate myself, thanks to all the MEGA STRESS I've been dealing with from the whole family, lack of cash and job, and continuous bills my will broke out and I've eaten a LOT today, it was going ok at the start with 220 cal of chicken soup, but then at a friends house I indulged in peanut butter cookies and at another friend's house I went after the doughnut holes there... I gotta get myself back on track, so tomorrow and frieday I'm fasting and saturday I'm going back to restricting. I just need to find more ways to avoid eating with friends, that I feel is my biggest problem...